HELPFUL NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS

In addition to working up my own list of New Year's resolutions, it occurs to me that some of the people running our country could benefit from my suggestions for their lists. No need for them to thank me – happy to help.

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HELPFUL NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS
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In addition to working up my own list of New Year’s resolutions, it occurs to me that some of the people running our country could benefit from my suggestions for their lists. No need for them to thank me – happy to help.

Where better to start than with those proud-and-loud members of Congress who’ve adamantly opposed real health insurance reform for workaday Americans? Not only do I include the entire block of Republican lawmakers whose vocabulary consists only of the word “no,” but also those pathetic Democrats who’ve compromised the reform idea into corporate mush. Each of these stalwarts of the status quo should make this resolution: “Since I helped kill reform, I will give up the excellent, government-paid, socialized health coverage that I get so that I am in the same leaky boat as my constituents.”

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And here’s a resolution for the barons of Wall Street, who continue to float on billions of dollars in government bailout money, yet are grabbing bonus payments for themselves, while pouting that the public is not showing them the love they deserve: “I hereby pledge to go through the 12-step detox program of Greedheads Anonymous to deflate my arrogance, cure my narcissism, and become a human being again.”

Let’s not forget the Obamacans, either! They came into office on an anti-war, anti-fat cat, pro-middle-class program, yet have expanded their war, catered to fat cats, and offered the middle-class nothing but “a jobless recovery.” Here’s the resolution we need from Obama: “In year two of my term, I promise to Democrat-up by getting some economic advisors who’ve actually met a real worker. I’ll also download recordings of Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt to my iPod and require everyone in my administration to volunteer at least one loved one to go to war in Afghanistan.”

If we can only get those in charge to make these pledges, we’ll all have a happier New Year!

I’m making moves!

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