Ready or not, the race is on! For president, I mean. Yes, Election Day is still a couple of years away, but the candidates are already loose on the land… and goosey as ever.
So far, the goosiest has been Mitt Romney. The GOP’s 2012 loser was asked last year if he would try again, and he said – in these exact words: “Oh, no no no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.” That’s 11 uh-uhs, which would seem pretty final, but in January, Romney suddenly back-flipped into the race. Even more stunning, the multimillionaire plutocrat proclaimed that he was running this time as the candidate of the poor and the middle class. That was going to be fun to watch, but only two weeks later, Mitt quit. He said he wanted to give some of the new faces a chance. What a guy.
Enjoying Hightower's work? Join us over at our new home on Substack:
So Romney’s out – unless he gets back in. Meanwhile, some of those “new faces” have an old and weary look, such as extremist right-wing retread Mike Huckabee. He recently informed us that being gay is a lifestyle choice, like choosing to drink alcohol. Really? How does he know?
And don’t forget Rick “Oops” Perry – he’s back, this time wearing horn-rimmed glasses that are supposed to make him look smarter. You judge. Rick’s latest handicap, however, is not his stupidity, but trying to look presidential while under felony indictment for abuse of his gubernatorial power, plus having his office under scrutiny for awarding handouts of public dollars to campaign donors and political cronies. You know you’ve got image issues when your press conferences keep featuring photo-ops of you flanked by your covey of high-dollar criminal defense lawyers.
Still, the goofiest thing about the 2016 race is that it’s expected to come down to Bush v. Clinton. Haven’t we seen that movie before? And, is all of this the best America can do?
“Perry may be gone, but his government-by-crony isn’t,” Austin American Statesman, January 28, 2015.
“Mitt And The Melee, The New York Times, January 14, 2015.
“Third Chance For Romney? G.O.P. Is Torn,” The New York Times, January 14, 2015.
“Mitt Quits. Again. Probably.” The New York Times, January 31, 2015.
“Support Waning, Romney Decides Against 2016 Bid,” Austin American Statesman, January 31, 2015.
“Presidential hopefuls court factious GOP,” Austin American Statesman, February 2, 2015.
“Perry is clear: He’ll run anyway,” Austin American Statesman, January 29, 2015.
Special rate for original Lowdown readers