Time to take another peek [Lifestyle Theme] into "The Lifestyles of the Rich... and Cranky."
Jim Hightower's Radio Lowdown
Jim Hightower's Radio Lowdown

"Two wrongs don't make a right, but three left turns do." --Jim Hightower

Time to take another peek [Lifestyle Theme] into “The Lifestyles of the Rich… and Cranky.”

Enjoying Hightower? How about a weekly email that gives you the full scoop?

People think it’s easy being rich, but these peasants know nothing about the crushing pressure of always having to stand out in the crowd, if only for appearance’s sake. Take the Kentucky Derby. This annual run for the roses is the preeminent social event for the horsey set. It’s a grand setting, a place to see and be seen, an occasion to wear your Versace white suit and your $1,000 handmade Panama hat, and, of course, a place for sipping the royalty of Southern drinks: mint juleps.

But there’s the rub, you see. These days, mint juleps have become so commonplace at the Derby that they’re serving them in plastic cups! How can one stand out if even the hoi polloi are sloshing down juleps like they were Slurpees?

Well, thank goodness for Woodford Reserve. For this year’s Derby, this distillery has rescued your truly-rich by offering a drink worthy of them. Called “The Ultimate Mint Julep,” it’s made with only the finest Kentucky bourbon, mint imported from Morocco, sugar from the South Pacific, and ancient ice brought in from the Arctic Circle. Equally important, the UMJ is served in a gold-plated cup and sipped through a silver straw. Now that’s class!

The beautiful part is that this libation comes with a price tag of $1,000. Per drink. Not including tip. The price is beautiful, because it will separate the true hoity toities from the riff-raff, and the world will be in proper balance once again.

"The issue isn't just jobs. Even slaves had jobs. The issue is wages." --Jim Hightower

This is Jim Hightower saying… Not only does the Ultimate Mint Julep let the rich rise above the rest of us, but it also lets them show their philanthropic side, for the distiller will donate the drink’s profits to a charity for retired race horses. What do you bet that the rich get a bar receipt for each of their $1,000 juleps, so they can deduct the cost from their income taxes as a charitable contribution?

“An expensive thirst-quencher (tip not included),” Austin American-Statesman, April 12, 2006.

“Battling the bastards is about as much fun as you can have with your clothes on.”

Never miss a word from Hightower– sign up today:

Send this to a friend