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At last, George W is getting the hang of foreign policy. Yes, he badly botched Afghanistan and has made a bloody mess of Iraq – but, by gollies, in North Korea, it looks like he’s finally at the top of his game.
In dealing with the nuclear-waving, North Korean leader-for-life, Kim Jong II, George seems to have studied U.S. diplomatic history. His approach mirrors such other epic moments in American foreign policy annals as the CIA’s effort in the 1960s to assassinate Fidel Castro by slipping an exploding cigar into his humidor.
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Okay, that didn’t work too well, but it’s the strategic spirit I’m hailing here. In 1989, for example, the Reaganites didn’t like Panama’s strongman Manuel Noriega. So, to force him out of his palace and into jail, they blared rock music at him 24 hours a day. See, it’s innovative warmaking like this that changes history.
And, now, W is stepping boldly into the historical spotlight with an equally-novel tactic to bring Kim Jong to his knees: toy deprivation. It seems that Leader Kim really, really, really loves to fiddle with his iPod, watch plasma screen TVs, and zip around on his Segway electric scooter. Aha, shouted Bush in a eureka moment of rare presidential leadership – we’ll set up a trade embargo to prohibit any toys favored by Kim being shipped to North Korea! No iPod for you, bad boy. Any day now, expect to hear a shriek all the way from Pyongyang, as Kim whiningly agrees to forego nukes, institute democracy, and resign from politics – if only George will lift his dreaded toy embargo.
This is Jim Hightower saying… Who says Bush can’t do foreign policy? Of course, there are some minor details, such as that iPods, TVs, and such aren’t made in the USA, so it’s just possible that Kim can get his toys shipped from China. Still, give George all the credit he deserves for such a clever scheme.
“U.S. to Kim: No iPod for you,” Austin American-Statesman, November 30, 2006.