Have you heard about the earthquake that has shaken Wall Street to its very core? Well, brace yourself, for this really is a shocker: bonus payments are down.
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Yes, the exorbitant bonus checks pocketed each year by the Goldman Sachers, Citigroupers, and other financial tinkerers have been cut by about 25 percent this year, and – oh! – you should hear the Wall Streeters moaning the hard-times, down-and-out banker blues. “It’s a disaster,” sobbed one, “The entire construct of compensation has changed.”
Cynics, of course, will say… “Good – about time.” And it is difficult in these times of middle-class collapse and rising poverty to get teary-eyed over a few financial swells getting a trim – but, come on, open your hearts to their pain. A hedge-fund manager, for example, says it’ll now be a strain for him to keep his $7,500 annual membership dues in the Trump National Golf Club. Plus, he worries about food, health care, and boarding. Not for him, but for his two dogs – he’s been laying out $17,000 a year for upkeep of his labradoodle and bichon frise, including around $5,000 to hire a daily dog-walker for them.
The crunch is so bad for these one-percenters that one says he now has to shop for discounted salmon for dinner and has had to give up his annual ski trip to Aspen. And a high-dollar accountant who does financial planning for the wealthy practically weeps for clients who’re having to cut back. Empathizing with the stress of it all, he asks: “Could you imagine what it’s like to say, ‘I got three kids in private school, I have to think about pulling them out?’ How do you do that?” Dabbing his eyes with tissues, he adds that these people have been raking in around $500,000 a year, and they never dreamed “that they’d be broke.”