FLYING NAKED

Attention people. I have discovered some stunning information involving our national security. I now know the ultimate goal of the horrific al Qaeda terrorist network. I deduced their evil intentions by tracking the pattern of attacks they've made in our country. Their diabolical goal is none other than this: To make Americans fly naked.

Attention people. I have discovered some stunning information involving our national security. I now know the ultimate goal of the horrific al Qaeda terrorist network. I deduced their evil intentions by tracking the pattern of attacks they’ve made in our country. Their diabolical goal is none other than this: To make Americans fly naked.

And these jihadist fiends are close to achieving it!

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First, they stripped away our belts, jackets, and hats. Since the 9/11 crashbombing by al Qaeda killers, every American who goes through airport security must remove these garments. Next, after an al Qaeda-linked operative attempted to ignite a shoe bomb aboard a 2001 flight to Miami, they took our shoes from us. Even though the bomber’s explosive shoe fizzled, everyone in our Land of the Free has had to bow to the gods of global terrorism by surrendering our shoes every time we enter the terminal to catch a flight.

And now, after an al Qaeda guy tried on Christmas Day to explode his underwear on a flight to Detroit, it seems that this extremist religious network will finally succeed in stripping us of our dignity, leaving every American flyer naked before the world.

Responding to the underwear bomber, our officials now want airport screeners to peek under the skivvies of every man, woman, and child in America who has a ticket to board an airplane. This will be a “virtual strip search,” with screeners using super-x-ray scanners that can view you in the pink, right through your clothes.

This is ridiculous! Instead of exposing tens of millions of innocent Americans to an indignity that will do nothing to stop terrorists, how about our security officials doing a halfway competent job of tracking the handful of actual al Qaeda bombers and stopping them before they ever get a ticket?

“Debate Over Full-Body Scans vs. Invasion of Privacy Flares Anew After Incident,” The New York Times, December 31, 2009.

“In Aftermath Of Attempted Attack, ACLU Advocates Effective Security That Respects Privacy,” www.aclu.org, December 30, 2009.

“The System Failed,” The New York Times,” December 30, 2009.

“Battling the bastards is about as much fun as you can have with your clothes on.”

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