Freaky Stories from April Fool's Day

On a recent morning, after checking news reports, I thought: What a freaky news day.

On a recent morning, after checking news reports, I thought: What a freaky news day.

Freaky Story Number One was about the Governor of Texas, who rarely has any ideas, but apparently one had unexpectedly erupted from the usually dormant cluster of low-voltage brain cells in the head of Rick Perry. The headline on the story says the Guv had declared to the entire nation: “Bring us nuclear waste.”

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Bizarre. While any quasi-sane governor would be trying to protect the state, its people, and future generations from the highly radioactive detritus of the nuclear power industry – here was Gov. Goober waving in the waste. This is the same governor who adamantly rejected federal dollars to provide health coverage for millions of uninsured Texans. It seems that his health care plan is for each poor family to put a cask of nuclear waste in their closet.

Freaky Story Number Two was about the formation of a Partnership for a New American Economy. Great – at last we’ll get moving on conversion to the green economy, infrastructure expansion, and re-investment in middle class jobs! Oh, come on – stop making sense. This “new economy” bunch turns out to be hyping more of the old low-wage economy. It’s made up of fast-food chains, agribusiness outfits, and other operators that want Congress to create a steady stream of cheap, immigrant laborers to exploit.

Finally, Freaky Story Number Three was about the plan of congressional Republicans to help the rising number of poor people by effectively eliminating the federal food stamp program. How does that “help,” you might wonder? The lead pusher of the plan explains that it “empowers recipients to get off the aid rolls.”

All this freakiness was in the news on April Fool’s Day – but none of it was a joke. Now that’s really freaky.

“Perry: Bring us nuclear waste,” Austin American Statesman, April 1, 2014.

“Employers: Alter immigration laws,” Austin American Statesman, April 1, 2014.

“Ryan’s Budget Would Cut $5 Trillion in Spending Over a Decade,” The New York Times, April 1, 2014.

“Battling the bastards is about as much fun as you can have with your clothes on.”

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