It’s better to give than to receive, they say, so I’ve come up with my own sleighful of holiday goodies for some special people.
For member of Congress, for example, I came up with the perfect, one-size-fits-all gift solution. I sent my fondest wish that, from now on, all 535 of them will restrict themselves to the exact same level of annual pay, health care, and pension that the typical citizen gets. No more, no less. If they have to live as we do, I’ll bet they’d take a personal interest in raising everyone’s standard of living!
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For the CEOs of Citigroup, Bank of America, JPMorgan Chase, and all the other barons of Wall Street whose ponzi schemes crashed our economy, I’ve sent hand-lettered pink slips. With gold-leaf edging, of course. Having made such a mess, why should they still be on the job? Let’s send them to the comfort of their mansions, where they can do no more harm. With time on their hands, some might even have a moral epiphany and volunteer with Habitat for Humanity to help a few of the families who were ruined by Wall Street’s machinations.
For George W, “Buckshot” Cheney, and Karl Rove, I chose leather-bound copies of Constitutional Law for Dummies. This tome might come in handy next year when they wonder why they are being hauled before grand juries and being subpoenaed by congressional committees. Also, Bush could use it as a starter book for his new, secretly-funded presidential library.
And I did not forget President-elect Obama. For him, I sent a jumbo glue gun filled with Elmer’s Super Glue. When he gets swarmed by self-serving corporate lobbyists and business-as-usual politicians, Obama can give himself a shot to stiffen his spine so he can stand up firmly for the people’s interest.
If these powerful people accept my gifts, we’ll all have a happier New Year!
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