And just like that – phffffttt – she was gone. Sarah Palin, the phantasmagoric shooting star of far-right-wing wackiness, has formally bowed out of the 2012 presidential race.
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Apparently, her decision was God-sent. We can assume this, because, in her 2008 vice presidential run, Palin explained her decision-making process to us on a Fox-TV show: “I’m like, OK, God, if there is an open door for me somewhere’ – this is what I always pray – I’m like, ‘don’t let me miss the open door, show me where the open door is, even if it’s just cracked up a little bit, maybe I’ll plow right on through that, maybe prematurely plow through it, but don’t let me miss an open door.”
Eons from now, archeologists will unearth this truly-awesome and breathless sentence, and say: “Huh?” But, for us political observers today, that burst of Palinese simply translates to this: God showed Sarah the door.
In breaking the news of her departure from the political stage, the Fox-made millionaire trotted out her family again, declaring that she decided not to run out of respect for them. Uh-huh… and out of respect for polls showing that only 21-percent of Americans have a favorable opinion of her. Also – get this – three-fourths of Republican primary voters said they did not want her in the race!
But let’s give her credit. Yes, she’s shown herself to be an incoherent, frighteningly-unqualified, and far-out political figure, but without her, the door would not have opened for Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, and other incoherent, frighteningly-unqualified, and far-out Republican contenders.
Palin would probably give credit to God for opening the door for Bachmann, Perry & Company – but I don’t think God hates America that much. So take a bow, Sarah – you earned this one.
"The issue isn't just jobs. Even slaves had jobs. The issue is wages." --Jim Hightower