PITY TEXAS

Oh, woe is me! Sometimes it’s hard to be a Texan, and now is one of those times, for we are about to be inundated with political devils of our own making.

Oh, woe is me! Sometimes it’s hard to be a Texan, and now is one of those times, for we are about to be inundated with political devils of our own making.

With the unraveling of the Bush regime in Washington, hordes of former Texas residents who’ve been working with him are threatening to move back. Start with Karl Rove, who has resigned as George W’s chief political hatchet man, claiming he needs to spend more time with his family. Who knew this thug even had a family? Does he mean the Mafia? He’s rumored to he heading to Fredericksburg, a beautiful place filled with nice people. What did they ever do to him to warrant such an affliction? Word is that good folks there are stocking up with cattle prods and cans of Raid to ward off Rove nastiness. Their saving grace might be that Karl is so enmeshed in the Jack Abramoff and Justice Department scandals that he’s likely to be spending a lot of time with Washington grand juries, with little time to bother the locals.

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Meanwhile, here comes Alberto! Bush’s disgraced attorney general is expected to return to Houston – if he can recall where it is. Maybe the memory-challenged Gonzales will be refreshed by the change of scenery and finally remember what he was doing the past six-and-a-half years, including his role in illegal spying, torture memos, and the political firings of U.S. attorneys. Perhaps he’ll even recall what he did with our Constitution – it would be nice to get it back.

There are so many other Bushite acolytes who will be descending on us Texans, plus George himself. His palatial presidential library is already being readied for him in Dallas, presumably to be filled with his White House records – all marked top-secret and completely blacked out.

Oh, God! What if “Buckshot” Cheney moves here, too? Who else but Halliburton, based in Houston, would be willing to accept the snarling old autocrat? Pity Texas. We’re doomed.

“Battling the bastards is about as much fun as you can have with your clothes on.”

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