You, too, can be part of Scott Walker's inner circle

If you think that none of today's presidential candidates care about people like you, check out Republican Scott Walker.

If you think that none of today’s presidential candidates care about people like you, check out Republican Scott Walker.

The Wisconsin governor not only cares, he wants to sit down with you, get your ideas, and stay in close touch. No matter who you are, Scottie wants you to join his team, so his presidency can be your presidency! Not a Republican? No problemo, amigo, Walker doesn’t check your papers. Well… except for that million-dollar check you have to write to his Super-PAC.

Enjoying Hightower? How about a weekly email that gives you the full scoop?

That’s the ticket price for entering Walker’s inner circle, where you can discuss your policy concerns and seek personal favors – straight from your lips to the candidate’s ear! Even if you’re a common working stiff, just give a million dollars – and you’re in! Is this a great country, or what?

Maybe you’re wondering what, specifically, your money buys. Well, Scott’s Super-PAC even prints out a handy purchasing slip showing that you’ll be an “Executive Board Member” of the Walkerites’ campaign. Thus, you’ll have two private dinners with The Man, a Walker staffer dedicated to your needs, special briefings and weekly emails, bi-monthly conference calls, bi-annual retreats, and – best of all – an “Exclusive Executive Board Pin.”

Golly, I haven’t been this excited or felt so included since the 1950s, when I became a member of “The Mickey Mouse Club” and got my own set of mouse ears.

When the Supreme Court descended into the Alice-In-Wonderland fantasy that corporations are people and money is speech, it was inevitable that American politics would devolve to a frivolous game that shuts out the workaday majority and enthrones a Koch-brothers plutocracy sustained by secret-money Super-PACs and whorish candidates like Walker. To help end this corrupt mockery of our electoral democracy, go to

“Scott Walker Lets Billionaire Donors Know the Outrageous Sum It’ll Take to Buy Him Off,”, May 20, 2015.

“Battling the bastards is about as much fun as you can have with your clothes on.”

Never miss a word from Hightower– sign up today:

Send this to a friend